Who's Flying the Plane?

    I fly fairly often and I enjoy it. But there have been those moments while sitting in that chair 30,000 feet in the air, streaking across the sky in excess of 500 mph, when I’ve thought to myself, “I hope this guy got As in his aviation classes.”
    We tend to just trust the guy in the pilot seat. And we should. These guys (and gals) have a huge amount of training and have passed multiple exams, as well as hundreds of hours of flight time before they even make it to co-pilot. They are all really good pilots. But still, have you ever wondered if a “C” student slipped through, and he’s the guy flying your plane?
    I couldn’t believe what happened last week. A pilot on board a regional Delta flight en route to LaGuardia Airport in New York City, had to use the rest room shortly before landing. That’s understandable; they do it all the time while in flight.
    He followed protocol and alerted the flight attendant (small regional jets often have only one) to sit in his place in the cockpit while he stepped out (FAA requires two in the cockpit at all times for obvious reasons). The pilot went to the very back of the plane where it’s only bathroom was located. When he finished, he tried to open the door, only to discover the latch had broken and he couldn’t get out. He worked it for several minutes and even tried to put his shoulder against the door, to no avail. He was stuck inside and the plane was already in a holding pattern waiting for him to return to land it. So he started pounding on the door.
    A nearby passenger heard the pounding and came to his aid, calling through the door asking what he could do to help. The pilot instructed the man to alert his co-pilot in the cockpit of his predicament. Well, this helpful passenger happened to be middle eastern with a thick accent. You can imagine what the co-pilot was thinking as a man with a thick middle-eastern accent began pounding on the high security cockpit door, shouting something that was difficult to understand, after the pilot had been gone for an inordinate amount of time for a simple bathroom break.
    The co-pilot radioed the FAA, which in turn ordered the co-pilot to bring the plane in immediately, despite the pilot’s whereabouts being in question. The FAA also alerted the Air Force to begin the procedure for scrambling fighter jets.
    Just then, the pilot heaved himself against the bathroom door with all his might, breaking it open. (Imagine what all this looked like to the passengers!) After explaining the ordeal through the cockpit door to the co-pilot, he opened the door and let him back inside and the pilot climbed back into his chair to land the plane (at an airport that had been cleared due to a perceived security emergency to be brought down by the co-pilot with the help of a scared-to-death flight attendant!
    Close call; but all’s well that ends well.
    My question for you is, who’s flying your plane?
    You see, God never needs to use the rest room. He is more qualified to direct your life than any airline pilot is to fly a jet airliner. But when you try to take over yourself, you are more like the flight attendant sitting in a seat facing dozens of sophisticated instruments and control equipment. It might be exciting, but it isn’t very safe!
    Maybe its time you let Him fly the plane. He’ll not only bring you to a safe landing at the end of life’s journey, He’ll make the whole trip a lot more worthwhile!

Sorry, Boss

    As a young man starting in ministry and working a secular job at the same time, I made a mistake in my work and said, “Sorry boss, that was my bad. It won’t happen again.” To my surprise he responded, “Don’t apologize. In business, you’re viewed as weak when you admit you’re wrong. Just move on and correct your mistakes, but don’t apologize.”
    Wow! I was pretty surprised. This business owner was a Christian, yet he told me that I shouldn’t apologize when wrong. I have since learned that it is a common philosophy in the cut-throat world of business to never apologize, but instead to shirk responsibility for blame. I knew it wasn’t a correct way to think and wasn’t about to adopt the philosophy. Years later, I became close friends with a very successful business owner and was struck with how quick he was to take responsibility for himself and apologize whenever needed. So which is the better way to go?
    A few years ago I came across an interesting book by John Kador on the subject, Effective Apology: Mending Fences, Building Bridges, and Restoring Trust. In his book Kador says, “Executives who are willing to say, 'I'm sorry' earn more than executives who would never apologize." And, "The stock prices of companies with CEOs who accept accountability are higher than those of companies run by CEOs who don't." He went on to say that people in business who apologize appropriately last longer in their companies, and are more quickly hired when in the hunt, because they have longer lasting trust relationships with peers in their field.
    That all makes sense to me. I have more respect for those who take responsibility for their words and actions and are willing to humble themselves and admit it when they are wrong. I also trust those who are willing to offer a genuine apology.
    But I’m not so interested in what makes sense in business. I’ve seen too many important relationships splintered because of the pride and stubbornness that causes us to refuse to apologize. I’m talking about broken marriages, injured parent-child relationships and fractured churches. But what matters most is that the Bible tells us we are to be quick to apologize. In last week’s blog, I pointed out what Jesus had to say about leaving the gift at the altar and going to the offended brother to make things right. James said this, “Confess your sins to one another” (James 5:16).
    So when you are wrong, it’s important to admit it. Let me give you a couple of helps in how to apologize.

• Be honest. Don’t make false confessions to gloss over a conflict and thereby make for short-term peace. If you did something wrong, admit it, but don’t make up an apology. That’s hypocrisy.
• Be sincere. Never use words like, “If I offended you….” When apologizing, using the word “if” is an automatic eye roller. Every one knows you’re still shirking responsibility. Again, if you did something wrong, say so. “I was wrong. Will you forgive me?”
• Watch your tone. If you apologize with an attitude, again, it’s obvious to those who hear you that you are not sincere. Get rid of the sarcasm, humble yourself, and let your humility come through.
• Take full responsibility. It may be that the person you offended is equally wrong. But that is not your responsibility. By using the word “but” (as many will do– "I shouldn’t have ______ BUT I did because you______”), you are in a sense redirecting the blame to the person you are supposedly apologizing to. Just admit to what you did wrong, and apologize.
• Be committed to change, and say so. It helps to talk a little about what you have learned or what you would do next time. Then, take the necessary steps to make those changes.
• Finally, let it go. There are few things more annoying than hearing a person apologize over and over for the same thing. Whether or not they forgive you is up to them. If you’ve taken full responsibility for your actions, let it go and move on.

    You’re going to make mistakes. You’re going to sin and offend other people. We all do. But when we do, nothing heals, mends fences and builds bridges like a heartfelt apology and expression of love and concern for the person offended. Don’t let pride get in the way. Just say you’re sorry!

Hypocrisy and Forgiveness

    I went into the bank the other day and was struck by the vault being left wide open and unattended, while I was filling out a deposit slip with a pen that was chained to the counter. Does that seem ironic to you? I’m guilty of those little hypocritical gestures….such as ordering a burger, fries, and then a DIET Coke–hahaha. A friend of mine used to leave his new $30,000+ car in the driveway, because his $1,000 camper was taking up the garage space. I could go on and on with things that we do that contradict other things we do. Sometimes it’s funny. Sometimes it’s not.
    Like the guy who said he was a Christian and told a church friend, “I will never forgive you for that.”
    Jesus’ harshest words addressed these very things. I don’t know that he would have taken issue with the diet coke and hamburger thing, but when it came to our relationship with him and how it relates to others, he pretty much said, “Live what you say you believe!” “If you’ve been forgiven, you’ll be eager to forgive.”
    Are you?
    John wrote, “Whoever says he is in the light and hates his brother is still in darkness. Whoever loves his brother abides in the light, and in him there is no cause for stumbling. But whoever hates his brother is in the darkness and walks in the darkness, and does not know where he is going, because the darkness has blinded his eyes” (1 John 2:9–11 ESV). The word for hate is a Greek word that means to disregard, slight, resent. In other words, you can’t be walking with the Lord and at the same time have resentment towards another Christian.
    I know, there’s a bit of hypocrisy in all of us. None of us can claim absolute consistency. But this is pretty serious. Jesus compared religious hypocrites to tombs that were whitewashed on the outside but filled with decaying corpses on the inside. He told his followers to not bother offering sacrifices at the temple (their acts of worship) until you resolve issues between yourself and your brothers and sisters. How we are with each other is a big deal to Him!
    I thought of this the other day seeing Bible verses and spiritual proclamations posted on Facebook by someone I know has ongoing resentment towards other believers. The epitome of Christian faith is based on our entering into God’s forgiveness, and thereby passing it on to others. John was pretty straightforward: we’re not in fellowship with God if we are out of fellowship with His other children.
    I’ll probably keep ordering a diet coke to wash down my greasy burger and fries. But I pray to 
the Lord that I do not blaspheme his forgiveness with an unwillingness to pass it on to others, especially my brothers and sisters in Christ.
    Have you been forgiven? How apparent is that?

Pastor Appreciation

    I appreciate what the Christian radio stations are trying to do. After all, you’re not going to hear “Pastor Appreciation Month” being promoted in church! So the Christian radio stations do their best this one month out of the year to encourage church members to express appreciation  to their pastors. And I want to thank all four of you that I’ve heard from.  Hahaha -- I’M KIDDING!
    In all honesty, most of us pastors are not crazy about Pastor Appreciation Month.  Not that we don’t want to be appreciated. It’s just that it feels forced...and a bit awkward for us. It is a bit like someone coming up to you and reminding you that your wife’s birthday is in a couple of days and encouraging you to get her something, when she is standing right next to you. We feel a bit like the wife standing there hearing all this, and then receiving the card and gift a couple of days after.
    If you already bought the card, go ahead and send it :-). But, I have a couple of requests. Here’s what I, and other pastors on staff would like most:

1. Please pray for me and my family every day. Pray for God’s power on my/our ministry. Pray that we be bold, loving and faithful in serving Him and you. Pray that God keeps us on the straight and narrow, and that our lives and families would be examples to the church and community.
2. Stop gossip, criticism and backbiting (at home and church).  I’m not just talking about us (though we’d really like it if you didn’t gossip about us), I’m talking about negative talk about anyone in the church. You know how it bothers you to hear your kids argue, complain, or dis each other. We feel that way when we see church members doing the same. You have the power to do as Barney Fife so famously put it, “Nip it in the bud!”
3. Sit in the front rows. Hahaha! I know that’s a tough one! But honestly, not only do you give me the impression that you are genuinely interested in what is going on, you send that message to visitors as well, when the front is filled in. Inversely, you send the opposite message when you fill the auditorium from the back to the front. Please? For me...just this one month?
4. Laugh at my jokes. Ok, now I’ve gone too far. I get it. I need to tell jokes that are actually funny in order to get laughter.
5. Support us. We won’t always be right. We have a lot of weaknesses and have lots of room for improvement. But whether or not you think we are making a mistake, we are responsible to God (and not really to you) for those decisions. You won’t have to answer to the Lord for decisions we are responsible for making. But you will answer to the Lord as to whether or not you support us with a cheerful attitude. We sincerely work and pray for God’s power and guidance in leading this church to effectively accomplish our mission. Whether or not you support us has no bearing on our decision-making–that is wholly dependent on God’s Word and the guidance of His Spirit. But knowing you are with us, makes it a lot more enjoyable.

        That’s exactly what the author of Hebrews said, “Have confidence in your leaders and submit to their authority, because they keep watch over you as those who must give an account. Do this so that their work will be a joy, not a burden, for that would be of no benefit to you”  (Hebrews 13:17 NIV).

    So thanks for the gift cards, the encouraging notes, and the other special things you have done for us this month. But more than any of that, we thank you for your support. It’s a privilege to serve God by serving you. I’m really glad to be at The Bridge. I wouldn’t want to be anywhere else! (Except, maybe Maui––hahaha.)

Burning in Hot Laver

    I have a cute video from when our kids were young, that I ran across the other day. I’m not sure how old Junior was but he was explaining to me how he had had to jump from furniture to furniture without touching the floor because it was “hot laver.” I tried to correct him, “You mean hot lava?” But he would have none of it. He knew the word. So he corrected me and slowly mouthed the words, “hot l-a-v-e-r”, thinking I didn’t really know. I tried to explain to him that the word was actually “lava” but it didn’t sink in. He jumped from the couch to the chair to avoid burning up in the hot laver.
    Sometimes we just have our minds made up and refuse to be confused with the facts. I’m guilty of it as well. Now that Junior is grown, I still try to correct him. Earlier today while we argued about the identity of someone in a recent event, he said, “Look up the news story on the internet.” I did to prove I was right. I wasn’t; he was. Bummer!
    While many of these stories can be humorous and I know there is a certain amount of stubbornness in all of us, as a pastor, I have been grieved time and again when trying to help, correct or warn one of the sheep, only to encounter that same stiffened neck and unwillingness to receive correction. In those situations, there almost always is a lot more at stake….and I am never happy about being right in the end.
    In the Book of Proverbs, the major theme is differentiating the wise man from the foolish man. In essence, that is the difference. The wise man is teachable, eager to learn, willing to be admonished. The foolish man, on the other hand, has his stubborn mind made up, thinks he knows it all, and has too much pride to accept correction from anyone else.
    Which one are you?
    And that’s why, as parents, our first duty to our children, while they are still very young, is to establish authority and instill an eagerness to listen to Mom and Dad and learn from them. Children who are rarely corrected are apt to grow into adults who refuse to be corrected. Hence, we train them to be what Solomon warned us against: the fool.
    As I look back over my life so far, pivotal times were precipitated by key conversations with people who cared about me enough to offer correcting advice. I’m glad I began reading Proverbs early in my Christian life and knew enough about how God works to be open to the advice of those wiser than me, even when their words were painful to hear.
    What kind of important corrections have you been turning a deaf ear to? Are you the wise man and eager to have your thinking challenged? Or are you responding with what you are sure is right, “l-a-v-e-r”?

Steve Jobs and Me

    I am surprised by how the death of Steve Jobs has affected me. Celebrities die all the time, and I am saddened with each death, especially when there is a question as to the person’s relationship with Christ. But hearing of Jobs’ death was different for me.
    I’ve been an Apple evangelist since before I knew anyone else who used their products. I bought my first Mac in 1985 (I know––before some of you were born and before most of you thought of using a computer!). I left for a brief stint while Jobs was away from Apple and their product line lost its luster, and at the same time Windows was introduced. Jobs returned to Apple and after being frustrated with all of the issues and crashes on my Windows based machine, I happily returned to Apple when Jobs introduced the  first iMac. I’ve been back ever since.
    I’ve never met Steve Jobs, but I liked him. I watched his biannual Apple keynote addresses, read his biography, and grew concerned when he announced his struggle with cancer. More importantly for Apple, I, along with millions of others, trusted him. We knew that as long as he was in charge of the company, Apple would continue to put forth products made with excellence, that their mistakes would be corrected quickly, and Apple’s high price would be a good value. We trusted Apple because we trusted Steve Jobs.
    When he resigned as CEO of the company last August, Apple’s stock dropped. When he passed away last week, it dropped again. And there is a lot of speculation as to what the future will hold for Apple now that their leader is gone. Will there be the same drive for excellence? Will they continue to value simplicity in the midst of complexity? Will every product continue to be viewed as a work of art?
    I have to admit, I’m a bit concerned about the future of a company I’ve depended on for many years. But that’s not why Jobs’ death bothered me. As I think back, I was 24 and just starting in ministry when I unboxed that first Mac. I bought it to begin producing a ministry newsletter and to design and publish my own advertising materials at a time when doing so was very expensive (the Mac changed that). It was then that I began reading about this young man who had started the company in his garage with a college buddy (Steve Wozniak). As I was starting out in ministry, his courage and charisma were inspirational. And his innovations gave me tools to do far more than I could have without them. While I never knew him, he was kind of like a friend from afar.
    In my mind, Steve Jobs was always a young man. For any of us, losing a friend or a relative causes us to rethink life and death. For me, I know I’m prepared to die. But this has been a reminder to me that that day may come sooner than I think. In fact, I think for all of us, it will!
    I’ve spent the last several days reviewing my goals, making some adjustments, and reconsidering how I spend my days. Steve Jobs changed the world with his passion for bringing technology to the masses. But while ministries such as my own have benefited from his ingenuity, for the most part, the way he impacted the world will have only temporal benefit.
    I/we have so much to offer! We have so much more to be passionate about! There is so much more that we can accomplish!
    I guess you could say that Steve Jobs connected people with technology. Here at The Bridge, we get to connect people with God! Having stock in that mission will pay dividends for all eternity!

Road Rage

    Maybe you are guilty of it. Most of us have gotten pretty angry at least once with some self-centered driver cutting off others and endangering everyone while trying to shave off 30 seconds or so of his or her commute. I’ve had to do a fair amount of confession myself after my angry reaction to roadway narcissists. But this guy down in Corbin, Kentucky takes first prize in my book. Not so much because of what he did, but look at the circumstances.
    Clyde White of Corbin, Ky., was charged with attempted murder this last August after police arrested him after a road-rage chase that reached speeds of over 100 mph. White, who had repeatedly rammed his two siblings in their vehicle, is 78 years old, and in that other vehicle were his brother, 82, and his sister, 83 (according to The Lexington Herald-Leader, 8-30-2011).
    I’m not sure what it was that got him so upset. Maybe it was just left-over sibling rivalry that they had never grown out of. But at 78 years old ramming your eighty  something brother and sister while traveling a hundred miles an hour? Wow! There’s a lot of anger there! I wonder how the three of them are doing now. It’s pretty hard to repair a relationship after an incident like that…and they don’t have a lot of time left to do so. Pretty sad.
    Out of control anger gets us in more trouble than we care to admit. Some of you grew up in broken homes because one of your parents (or both) could not….or I should say, would not…control their anger. Some of you are divorced today because you let your anger get the best of you (and are still excusing it). Some of you have lost jobs, ended what could have been valuable friendships, and have injured your children for life, all because of anger. Oh, sure, but yours is justified. After all, they make you angry!
    Let’s be honest. No one can make anyone else angry. Anger, whether the volcanous (I think I made that word up) “blow-up” kind or the seething bitter “clam-up” kind, is almost always sourced in our own selfish demand to get our way, or at least to get others to see our way. And while leaving a trail of broken relationships, you shift the blame to others and defend your angry actions because you “have a right” to be mad!
    Good thing Jesus didn’t do that or we’d all be lost forever. Listen to what Paul said about the one who we claim to be our example:

“Do nothing out of rivalry or conceit, but in humility consider others as more important than yourselves. Everyone should look out not only for his own interests, but also for the interests of others. Make your own attitude that of Christ Jesus, who, existing in the form of God, did not consider equality with God as something to be used for His own advantage. Instead He emptied Himself by assuming the form of a slave, taking on the likeness of men. And when He had come as a man in His external form, He humbled Himself by becoming obedient to the point of death—even to death on a cross” (Philippians 2:3–8 HCSB).

    Meditating a little on that passage will put a quick end to your road rage. Better yet, it might save your marriage, your kids, your job and your friendships.